Feeling overwhelmed isn't always a sign that you're doing too much. Sometimes, it's the result of carrying too many unfinished tasks, decisions and responsibilities around in your head.
Life coach and self-development expert Natalie Raven knows this first-hand. After years of experiencing chronic burnout – which intensified while growing her business and becoming a new mum – Natalie stepped back and began rebuilding her life around how she actually wanted to spend her time and energy.
Now, she helps women do the same, with an approach that focuses less on trying to become a completely new person and more on making practical changes to the way you structure your days, manage your responsibilities and make space for the things that matter.
In our conversation, Natalie shares her advice for dealing with overwhelm, building self-trust through routines, recognising the early signs of burnout and getting unstuck when you don't know what to do next. She also explains why procrastination can sometimes be fear in disguise – and why making time for things that genuinely make you happy might be more important to your wellbeing than you think.
With so much out there around self-development, where's the best place to focus if we want to make a meaningful difference in everyday life, without trying to do everything at once?
I notice that with many women trying to juggle life and all the responsibilities which that involves, they've lost a connection to joy – with many of my clients not even being able to describe what joy is to them. Spending some time discovering what joy looks like in adulthood and nurturing whatever that may be is a great place to start. It could be a new hobby, socialising or trying new activities. It's easier to make positive change in your life when you're coming from a place of happiness. It will also help to build your self-esteem, sense of identity and confidence, which are all incredibly helpful when it comes to self-development work.
“It’s easier to make positive change in your life when you’re coming from a place of happiness.”
What led you into life coaching and self-development work, and what was happening in your own life at the time?
I struggled with chronic burnout for most of my adult life, but it got progressively worse when the business I ran started growing rapidly at the same time as becoming a new mum. It culminated in me realising I needed to make a huge change, and I decided to sell my business and take a few years off at home with my toddler. I've always been very interested in self-development and put everything I'd learnt from years of research to good use in that time, where I ultimately rebuilt my life from the ground up. I made conscious decisions about how I spent my time, my hobbies, my friendship circle – and I finally learnt how to rest. I went on to train in life coaching with renowned coach and author Jay Shetty, and knew that I wanted to help women who were in the position I had been to live a happier, fuller life.
We're all juggling so many things – why do we still tend to feel like we're constantly behind, even when we're doing a lot, and what are a few small shifts that can help ease that pressure?
Finish tasks completely. This sounds obvious, but it's amazing how many unfinished jobs are nagging away at us and causing mental overwhelm. Getting in the habit of finishing one thing before starting something else helps lower that pressure considerably.
Delegate fully. Many women are the experts of their home and feel they need to be involved on some level in everything that needs to be done. This is too much for anyone to handle.
Schedule everything. I believe there is nothing too small for the schedule. If you want to do certain things every day or week and don't want to waste energy deciding if and when to do them, add them to a schedule and take the decision fatigue away.
What are the most common mindset blocks you see women navigating at the moment, and how can we start working through them in a practical way?
Self-worth is the main mindset block I see in the women I work with. It's often hidden under something else, but this is the root. Believing that you're worth the time and effort – and that enjoying your life is something you deserve – is the first step for any self-development work.
Secondly, the idea that they are failing at being an adult, a mum, a wife – and that everyone else has it all together. The reason that being a woman in the world today feels hard is because it is hard. It's simply not set up to help us thrive. We have to create structure and boundaries to build and protect the kind of life we want.
Confidence and self-trust can feel like a work in progress for a lot of us – how do we start building them when we're stepping into something new or unfamiliar?
There's no way to make this sound particularly exciting, but I honestly believe that creating and sticking to a weekly or daily routine is one of the best ways to build self-trust. A routine doesn't need to be something we use to restrict or punish ourselves – it's a promise to ourselves to live the kind of life we're hoping for. It can protect our time for rest and joy, which are both great foundations for confidence. Self-trust is built moment to moment, every time you stick to the promises you make yourself.
“A routine is a promise to yourself to live the kind of life you’re hoping for.”
When we feel stuck or unsure of our next step, what's a simple tool or practice you often use with clients to help them move forward?
Depending on what a client's goals are, I have a few questions that usually help them look at things from a new angle. If they feel trapped or overworked, I ask what they would advise themselves to do if they were caring for a toddler – this helps us access a more nurturing side of ourselves and is a useful guide for self-care decisions. If they're unsure of their direction, I might ask what they most regret not doing, which helps to prevent repeating the same mistakes and builds the courage to move forward. Often the ‘stuck’ feeling or procrastination is just fear in disguise.
You talk a lot about moving from burnout to balance. What are the early signs we tend to overlook, and what can we do at that stage to prevent things escalating?
Emotional exhaustion and disconnection are often signs of burnout that people don't pick up on. Feeling as though you're losing interest or enjoyment in things you'd ordinarily love can be a tell-tale sign that you're in the build-up to burnout. The immediate priority is finding ways to limit your workload as much as possible – through delegation, support from others, or simply lowering your expectations for a while.
Once you free up some mental space, finding your connection to joy is an integral part of recovery. This might look like planning a grand adventure, or it may be simply spending one evening a week doing something that makes you feel happy and safe. When you're in the depths of burnout, it's common to feel that you need to retreat – that sleep and isolation are the only answer – but connection and joy are so important, even if they feel counterintuitive at first.
Simple routines and rituals are a big part of what you focus on – what are a few that can support us day to day, especially when life feels overwhelming?
Routines are integral, and the most important thing to note is that there is no right routine – everyone has different strengths and different goals. Simply take some time to think logically about how your time is best organised, what a ‘good’ day looks like for you, and plot this out on paper. When we see our days and weeks planned in black and white, it's much easier to see where the trouble areas are: where we have too much on our plate, or free time that's not being used well for our happiness and rest.
Rituals are a great way to add joy into your life without relying on spontaneity or luck. They don't need to be expensive or extravagant – they're simply pre-planned activities you repeat regularly. For example, we have a monthly family movie night where we eat a specific dinner and have special snacks while we watch a film together. My five-year-old daughter is always so excited and counts down the days, even though we watch films at many other times during the month. The ritualistic nature of the event gives it importance and builds anticipation.
For those trying to build something of their own alongside a full-time job, what tends to hold them back the most – and what would you suggest focusing on first to build momentum?
Big goals can feel too overwhelming to even begin. It always helps to break the goal down into the smallest steps you can and concentrate on one at a time, rather than thinking too much about the bigger picture. If you struggle with procrastination, set a deadline for each small goal to keep momentum.
It's also very effective to share your goals with people you know and trust. Getting support and positivity from others is a great confidence boost – and puts a little pressure on you to stick with it.
If we want to build a life that feels good, how much of that comes down to our thoughts and patterns – and how do we start shifting them?
Ultimately, our experience of the world comes down to our thought patterns. It always amazes me how even someone with very negative self-talk and a pessimistic outlook starts to change with the introduction of fun and joy into their life. It's almost as though we can forget what joy feels like – and so need to remind ourselves that it's out there for the taking.
“Joy is the point. Everything else is just something that’s taking you towards or away from it.”
Quickfire round
The belief I had to let go of to get where I am today was… that fast is the only acceptable speed.
My daily non-negotiable is… Earl Grey tea and looking out onto my garden to wake up in the morning.
I feel most empowered when… I see how wonderful my kids are and realise that I (and my husband) did that.
When I need some self-care, I… spend time around people who make me laugh. Happiness with ferns and family at my house, eating good food.
The best life lesson I've learned so far is… joy is the point. Everything else is just something that's taking you towards or away from it.
If you could give one piece of advice to your younger self, what would it be? There's no rush, relax. And don't pluck your eyebrows off.
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About Natalie Raven
Natalie Raven is a life coach and self-development expert who helps women rebuild their lives around what actually matters to them. After experiencing chronic burnout while growing her business and navigating early motherhood, she sold her company, stepped back, and spent years rebuilding from the ground up. Trained by Jay Shetty, she now works with women who are ready to stop surviving and start living with intention. Follow Natalie on Instagram @natalieravencoaching.
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